Party Piece

Yevgeny Kiselyov, writing in Moscow News, has some reflections on the party that was held at the U.S. embassy in Moscow on election night:

Pure Bush
05.11.2004
[passage omitted]

What was it that Russian guests of the U.S. ambassador discussed on the day of the U.S. presidential election? Did they discuss Bush or Kerry's chances? Nothing of the kind! The most actively discussed issue was the presidential election in Ukraine, the chances of Viktor Yanukovich and his rival Viktor Yushchenko and whose victory would be of the most benefit for Russia.

As usual, opinions were split. Those who had frequented Kiev lately in order to back the Kremlin's favorite Yanukovich through cutting-edge campaigning, told horror stories about what would happen if Yushchenko, God forbid, wins.

They claimed that should he win, Yushchenko - that malicious Russophobe and NATO fan - would immediately evict Russia's Black Sea Fleet from Sevastopol, forcing Russia to spend $20 billion on the construction of a new naval base.

Of course, all Russians who live in Ukraine would be forced to speak Ukrainian, wear sharovary - those baggy trousers that form part of Ukrainians' national attire, and grow forelocks like Ukrainians used to do their hair in olden times. And, perhaps most horrifically, Ukraine would enter the EU and NATO immediately, leaving Russia behind.

Some tried to object shyly, appealing to reason, democratic feelings, to rationale, saying, why put all the eggs in one basket? What if Yushchenko wins? And wouldn't a Yanukovich victory bring about much more instability in western Ukraine than Yuschenko's win could entail in the east of the country? Besides, how could Ukraine possibly sever ties with Russia, considering how dependent it is on Russian gas, let alone other matters? And who said that Ukraine is about to be accepted by NATO and the EU?

But soon the discussion petered out. The choice between Yushchenko or Yanukovich is not a matter of conviction but of belief. The problem is that we revise our beliefs very easily, it occurred to me on the way back home from Spaso House. We back Bush under the banners of our union with the West, but Yanukovich under the banners of completely anti-Western ideas. Then I was reminded of a skier whose skis slide in opposite directions. That skier's not going very far.

(via Marius, with thanks)